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  1. 01.
    Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 20
  2. 02.
    Tate Brothers Vehemently Deny They Did Anything Consensual
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 20
  3. 03.
    ‘No Bars Can Hold Me,’ Says Andrew Tate Entering 9th Hour Of Trying To Pry Open Cell
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 20
  4. 04.
    Never-Ending Pasta Pass Returns To Olive Garden
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 20
  5. 05.
    Political Profile: Todd Blanche
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 20
  6. 06.
    Bat Dog Clearly Pregnant
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 20
  7. 07.
    Study Finds There Aren’t Enough Occasions Where You Get To Eat Rolls
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 20
  8. 08.
    Trump Insists Frequent Naps Necessary To Protect U.S. Interests In Dreamland
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 20
  9. 09.
    Parents Sit Kids Down For Difficult Discussion About Moving To Ad Tier
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 20
  10. 10.
    Bat-Wielding Christopher Nolan Confronts Man Using Bathroom During ‘The Odyssey’
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 17
  11. 11.
    Wife’s Muscular Sidepiece Challenged To Battle Of Wits
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 17
  12. 12.
    Man Resents Home Run For Making Him Pause Eating, Clap
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 17
  13. 13.
    Fan Clearly Drowning In Diamondbacks Pool
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 17
  14. 14.
    Mitch McConnell Clarifies Absence Due To Brief Planned Trip To Afterlife
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 17
  15. 15.
    Man Who Bought ‘Odyssey’ Ticket Year Ahead Correctly Assumed He Wouldn’t Have Anything Going On
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 17
  16. 16.
    AI: Myth Vs. Fact
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 17
  17. 17.
    Argentina Recognizes Goldfish As Sentient Beings With Rights
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 17
  18. 18.
    ‘Hunt For Gollum’ Director Andy Serkis Defends Film’s All–Andy Serkis Cast
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 17
  19. 19.
    Female Supreme Court Justices Formally Request Protection From Brett Kavanaugh
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 16
  20. 20.
    Mom’s Remembrance Of Sam Neill Takes Lewd Turn
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 16
  21. 21.
    U.S. Military To Test Troops’ Testosterone Levels
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 16
  22. 22.
    Cyclosporiasis Outbreak Linked To Ancient Evil Corrupting The 7 Sacred Diarrhea Crystals
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 16
  23. 23.
    What To Know About Cyclosporiasis
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 16
  24. 24.
    Public Begs Mitch McConnell To Stop Releasing Photos Of Himself
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 16
  25. 25.
    Insisting Coworker Get To Point Somehow Slows Him Down
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 16
  26. 26.
    Riot Police Excitedly Crouch Behind Armored Vehicle Like Group Of 3-Year-Olds About To Perform Ballet
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 16
  27. 27.
    Madonna Accused Of Pandering With New Song About Trying To Find Available Spot In Fire Island Share House
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 16
  28. 28.
    Rubio Vows To Dismantle International Criminal Court
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 15
  29. 29.
    Guy Violently Coughing On Bus Better Just Have Throat Cancer
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 15
  30. 30.
    Barack Obama Pretends To Be Canadian While Traveling Abroad
    theonion.com · /feed
    ▲ 0 · Jul 15